So in my first blog I was all like "Oh I have so much to say" *dramatic pose* But then everything was settled and I didn't feel the need to let off steam. AND I know I claim to love writing but Ive gotten so lazy after coming home from my mission, my own private journal is so behind and I feel so guilty. But I'm justifying my actions by claiming its not hurting anyone...except myself, because I have a horrible memory.
I've been up at University for five months now. And I believe I'm starting to "fit in". When I tell other old friends that its hard for me to make new friends they just laugh because they don't believe me and claim they are the ones that can't make friends easily. Honestly, I think its a problem ALL humans deal with. The thought of going somewhere you're not familiar with then having to socialize with people you've never met-its kinda scary. Because you want to make a good impression and you want to be yourself and yet you don't want to be too much "yourself" because that can scare people (especially if you're like me and you can be really eccentric and random).
And then, the next step is how far do you go in acting like your true self? Once people are used to you, when do you start to show them all your sides? When I first meet someone I only let them see the: perky, ditzy, positive, theatre nerd side. When is it a good time to finally reveal my other sides? Do I dare let people that Ive only known for mere months, know that this "perky" and "ditzy" girl can be sarcastic and cynical? I know I know, there a some people I will never show my cynical-ism to, it would hurt them. But what about the others? Aren't friends supposed to be able to share everything good and bad opinions? It makes me laugh (mentally and sarcastically) when people I barely know in a new town say "If you want to talk, Im here." If I needed to talk to someone about something personnel I have my Mom or a friend Ive had since high school!
On the other hand, I'm a very open. Trying to fit into other people's circle of friends or filling in silences, I'll try to insert my own two bits, be it about families, other friends, and/or my mission. Thats probably why people only think of me as perky and ditzy, because I never share my other emotions. And when I actually do, faces are shocked! Did she actually say that? I can't believe she said that? Is everything okay? Imagine that-I am human, I have more emotions then one, I just dont share it. And that goes back to my original question-When is it the right time to share, to be open, to let my new-ish friends know that theres more to me then I let on.
(Wow that came out all dark, deep, and emo. I dont want to be an emo blogger *cries*
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